O Lighten Up

Sometimes the things you learn from a relationship are acquired best after the relationship has ended.

The process of separation is unique for everyone, and there are obvious questions we all ask when it is over.  I briefly list a few of the obvious ones and then address a question that I value.  Some obvious but useful questions are:

1.       What was my role in the health/sickness of the relationship?

2.       How can I learn and grow from that?

3.       What will I change for my next one?

4.       How do I define a healthy relationship?

5.       Am I secure in my own knowledge of self to know what my boundaries are and how to keep them safe and healthy while respecting my partners?

6.       Do I have enough love and respect of myself so as to not be needy and to be able to give love freely?

My question of the deepest value now is:

How do I view this person now?  Is it with compassion and love for them as a fellow traveler through life or do I have negative and constricting thoughts?  How am I managing my energy while remembering the relationship?

The reason this last question is so significant for me is because I have a spiritual practice of meditation for enlightenment.  Through the process of meditation I have become more aware of my brain tricks and subtle shifts of consciousness and fields of energy in myself.  It is so exciting because I can think or say or do something and if I feel my consciousness restrict or close in I am getting quicker feedback and this observation enables me to address what caused the constriction so I can clear it out.  I greet the negativity with compassion, understand it, see underneath it, and put it to peace.

The ex, then, becomes a spiritual barometer.  As the formerly wild ambivalent mood swings between love and hate have narrowed to be a simple clarity of what was, was, and is not meant to be, and was just a few seconds on this planet of learning experience, and is now in the past;  it frees the soul to shift, to house new thought forms, and to continue to shift consciousness forward.

So, what spiritual barometers do you have?  Let us lighten up.  Blessed BE.

Our fruits

As the juices of sap flow through the fibrous flesh of a tree, our own life force pushes through our tissues and bodies budding in to action, thought, and word. 

I have found in my personal journey that I have often confused the external behaviors with the internal source.  Although it is true that the physical gets manifested out from the work done on the inside; it is important to note that as we grow and change who we are from the inside, the harvested fruits and the spoiled fruits on the ground are results from a previous state of existence. 

Past behaviors, past relationships, and past experiences, although they leave a mark, do not change the life giving energy that can heal through bad seasons and produce new fresh and healthy fruits.

As we stand in vitality, we don’t have to mourn the dying fruit spoiled at our feet.  That is the past.  It is our inner light with which we create new life, manifest new behaviors, and new relationships.

Turning to the sunshine and shimmering in the fresh breeze, we can begin a new season seeding plump with new fruit.  Some may do well, some may do poorly, but it is a new season as we will have several.

Even when we are done with all of our seasons as that tree, spoiled or harvested fruits have seeded to new beginnings and new seasons.  Seeds that did not survive do not negate the source that produced them.  In the seeds that did survive, that vitality pushes on excitedly through new flesh.

Here’s to rejoicing together in new seasons!  Blessed BE.

Is life a test?

The idea that Life is a “test” is finally making more sense to me.

Life is not a test in the manner that you pass or fail like I was raised to believe.  If you spent a few seconds in all of eternity doing these things that someone said “god commanded,”then you would either go to heaven or hell.  Instead, life is a test in the sense that we experiment and find out what works and doesn't work for us individually and collectively.

I believe that physical form is emergent from prime consciousness and that the way that conscious essence can have experience is to “go through a fall” of sorts to become matter – or flesh – so that we can push through physicality and evolve various senses and levels of awareness that help us not only experience the physical dimension, but that can help us transcend it through evolved brain states to return to that limitless state of infinite possibility of prime consciousness.  We are the infinite experiencing itself through physicality and evolving brain states to catch up to the pure and divine understanding of spirit. 

When we are born, we have life experiences that take us away from the memories of who we really are and end up with conditioning, lies, and illusion, and these habits perpetuate through the chemistry of our brains.

Considering that we evolve in physicality to try to catch up with the transcendent and pure states of ourselves as experiments in “what works” instead of the more judgmental form of the word “test” makes it easier for me to be kinder to myself and others.  It allows me to realize that my own personal sloppiness and others has been just us trying to work things out in whatever we understood at the time.

Does this apply to the truly evil people?  The people who commit such acts of atrocity and laugh?  I would like to believe that it is a complicated set of situations that made them who they were.  It is then their responsibility, as we have our responsibility, to connect to our source and seek that which is healthy, affirming, gentle, and nurturing. 

For some of us it is easier than others.  Our brains are healthier than others.  Our social systems have been and are healthier than others.  We collectively, are working to discover what works better.  Better nutrition and whole foods, better communities, better rehabilitation in prisons.  These are all good for all of us.  However, it is not good for all of us to continue to perpetuate systems that promote greater opportunity and freedoms for the wealthy and less opportunity and freedoms for the poor.  I am not calling for socialism; I’m calling for justice in which those who work hard are rewarded.  Our current system of capitalism does not allow that when people are living on less than living wages having to do 2 part time jobs and not be home to positively influence any children.  We have more and more people brought in to the world uneducated, neglected, and bitter and full of low self-esteem.

I am optimistic that with social media we have expanded our levels of awareness and are realizing that this arrangement simply does not work.  I believe that we will find and make changes to produce a world culture where things will work better.  As ugly as it is, like an exploded boil full of pus and blood, I believe that we are seeing the true ugliness and that this will be the time to heal.

Blessed be

Heavenly Holydays!

Merry anointed –one sending!  What are you choosing in your journey?  What are you birthing this Christmas?

What makes you come alive?  What gives you energy and playfulness?  It is said in the bible in Mathew 18:3 that unless we become as little children we will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Consider your own set of experiences and your own spiritual path.  Is your personality comprised so much a result of early childhood self-defining moments?  Were respective experiences then shaped by filters that became further and further progressions away from that childlike raw experience of life?

Before you could speak, before you had much thought, was there any anticipation of what was to happen next or was there nothing but the pure and clear experience of life?  Is it possible to incorporate those early brain states in to your current times of being mindful and in the moment and finding incredible glee in the simple joy of just feeling alive?

So this is the experience of the child:  innocent, receptive, experiencing existence in its pure state.

What about this kingdom of heaven then?  I was raised with the Luke:20 verse saying that the kingdom of heaven is within us.  Considering the practice of meditation emptying the mind and being mindful in the moment and the experiences of the moment, and how much meditation can connect soul with the essential and being alive experience; it seems that the child-like state achieved is that which is spoken of when it is only as a child that we can enter this kingdom of heaven.

When we are stripped of any confining beliefs and expectations, we reside in limitless possibilities – essentially a quantum state of superposition where all exists simultaneously.  We connect more with the light of our soul and being light – time becomes infinite. We enter heaven.

Then, where all creativity can happen, what will we bring back in to this physical domain?  What will we bring for 2015?  We are all coming from different places with different narratives and with different talents.  What will we develop and what will we do?  What will this New Year bring for you and for all of us?

Compassion "taking on the sins of others"

“Jesus died for our sins” is taken as a pithy statement in which deeper analysis is often overlooked.

If we consider that Jesus was an enlightened man, then we can see that he understood human behavior and that actions were outgrowths of conditioning and that the true nature of all beings is the stripped down and pure consciousness void of personality and flaw.

When Jesus took our “sins upon him,” I believe it possible that this refers to an experience Jesus might have had that he could have been in an enlightened state and capable of such deep compassion that he not only cognitively understood that much of human suffering was played out from the suffering that spawned that suffering and on backwards, but that he could feel the surge of pain by understanding the blindness of acting out in pain.

The intensity and the darkness of this experience could attract such negativity – especially if he is trying to explain that he is “taking on sins” of others.  When someone is in a lot of pain and hasn't reconciled it nor been able to recognize pain in others, they might have an attitude of “Don’t tell me you know how I feel” when that is probably not what Jesus was getting at at all.

The attraction of negativity could culminate in his crucifixion and his dying would then make him a martyr to those following him.  Now, after a couple of thousand years, I wonder how many followers of Jesus who believe that if they follow the idea of the man being the son of god, and not the practice of becoming more enlightened by meditation and sitting with ones own consciousness,  are following the proverbial road sign instead of the road.

As Jesus said, “I am the light and the way,” it probably was referring to the “I am” that we all are in our infinite and eternal cores.  Jesus probably added something like “believe me,” and it probably got convoluted to “believe in me” cause “I’m what it’s all about.” 

The reason I feel like I can take liberties with these scriptures is because – come on…  they were written by dudes who didn’t know him a few hundred years after his death, and considering translations and the evolution of language and meaning, I think if we consider Jesus an enlightened one, we can certainly try to see at the core of the verbiage.

In seeking enlightenment, one reaches deeper and deeper understanding of the human condition, of compassion, and of how underneath all of our stories and messed up and broken lives, we are shimmering infinite potential with various ways in which to manifest and create new stories.

When we go underneath what created our personalities and how we were formed, we have to acknowledge that although we made a lot of decisions that certainly was major in affecting the outcome of our lives; we also were products of many circumstances.  It is an interaction, and we become what we do and we do who we are.  If we truly look at the tapestry of our lives with the eyes of soul we can see that we are no better nor worse than anyone else.  

I am you, you are me.  We are really the same underneath it all before everything else happened in our lives.  It can provoke such sadness to look in to the dark eyes of someone who has committed a heinous crime.  Their brains might be sick, they may have had circumstance after circumstance that led to this outcome.  I am not excusing, but I can feel the anguish that the interaction of external action and internal choice led to this.  It is sad and painful, and when someone like Jesus can have such an expanded consciousness; I believe that he would have been able to feel the depths of pain that led to such evilness. 

I’d like to see everyone drop their guns, their knives, their axes, and their grudges.  Let’s just stop our yammering on about all the stuff that is impermanent and changing anyway, and get to what is permanent and underneath it all.  Let’s find in the center of our souls that which is light and love, and just leave each other be.  Amen.

What music are you making?

Individual notes come through in chords – some more harmonic than others – spaces between chords vary – spaces between the notes vary. When they are not there is just as important to the piece as when they are.

After the realization of how my conditioned existence had been born and shaped from early trauma, I went through a period of being very self-centered in my grieving process.  I hated that I could explain my personality in so much of what had come out of what had been done to me and my response to that.  Although I reminded myself that everyone was like that; that we all have experiences that can further bias future perception and experience, I still felt alone in that I do not want to talk about the biggest ugliest secret of where it all started.  Acknowledging this all made me feel alone and like my life had been a big joke.

As I healed and heard other peoples stories of their lives and responses to life stuff and coming to terms with it – if fortunate enough to live long enough, I realized that my story – my song – was superficial.  My spiritual practices kept bringing me back to the true self – the inner raw, eternal self that was before all of the buildups of my character.  A blessing from remembering the biggest trauma is that I remember pre-verbal states where my child self was so innocent and receptive and unbiased to experience.

Thandie Newton, talks about times that she changes herself and comes to question how many times would it take for her “self” to die before she realized it wasn't ever real in the first place.  This is not to diminuate our life symphonies and the meanings of our lives experiences, because I believe that we take these forth to evolve consciousness.  However, I think that we can identify too much with what we manifest instead of who we are and become disconnected to source.

Our symphonies are for us to play out.  It is how we creatively manifest.  Not everyone can have every experience; can be in everyone’s life, all the time.  Loved ones come and go; things have to happen in order for anything to exist.  Existence is change and flux and flow and movement.

Sometimes our symphonies and songs play with others, sometimes not- sometimes in harmony, sometimes not.  However, we've all got songs and symphonies to play out.  May yours be one you find peace with.

Blessed be.

Energy is Mass(*light squared)

“Energy is mass,” were the words coming at me from Neil deGrasse Tyson this morning while I was wondering what I should write my blog on this week.  So, here are some of my thoughts:

I’m in to this whole thought is energy and physicality is consciousness incarnate idea.  I’m a fan of many of our leaders in evolving thought such as Louise Hay, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Rupert Sheldrake, Alan Watts, and others.

As I’ve been working on my healing as an adult child and my boundaries, I’ve been developing a new relationship with my body.  You see because of my dissociative identity disorder, it’s only been in the past few years that I began to really feel like I was inside of my body.  So much healing has begun, but when I went through a real bad period with the PTSD, the stress on my body had taken its toll.  All of the memories, figuring stuff out, dealing with grieving and wounds, had caused some physical illness.  I had also discovered that for my entire life, my body had been in a state of being “braced.”  The tension can take its toll. 

I know I’m not the only one who has had to deal with pain and we all have pain and battles, so I want to share some strategies that have started to become powerful for me in moving thought to physicality while I ameliorate my relationship with my body.

Repeat "I love and am loved."  Repeat it by placing the stress on a different word each time you say it.  This can be done anytime, anywhere.  Your body will love you for it. 

Do morning stretches and light aerobics with joyful music while paying attention to your body.

Feel your stomach and the rest of you while you eat and drink.  I had been ignoring my stomach screaming, “I’ve had enough!” while my mind had been trying to fulfill a “fun” need by food just cause it still tasted good.  Or had an extra drink when I didn't need one.

Don’t bully yourself at the gym.  Don’t beat up your body, love it and strengthen it so you don’t injure yourself.

Periodically check in to feel if you are bracing yourself and feel your breath soften, deepen, and breathe your body as in mini-meditations.

Do regular meditations.

Allow yourself what kind and how much sensory stimulation will be healthful for you.

Do lunchtime walks and stretches and get out and see a little bit of nature like a few birds and trees and such.

Do evening stretches and feel gratitude for the day’s events and people who have blessed your day while you plan and anticipate the next day and days to come.

Tell yourself you will sleep well, and that your subconscious will allow you to continue sleeping, healing, and breathing deeply.  Make your room dark and give yourself plenty of sleep.

Love your body enough to take good care of it.  The love energy will transfer to physical health, and the choices you make regarding nutrition, activity, rest,