Do you ever feel beat up by life events? This last week was a little rough as I had my
most critical database still having problems from the prior week, and a class
I’m taking being very difficult for me, so I was feeling pretty stupid. Friday after the day was spent in some final
repair of database issues and trying to use the software at work to write my
program for school (which kept failing on me); I had a little wine on the patio
with my text book to try to grasp how I was going to write this program by
understanding the concepts, the syntax, and the flow required. Things were not only more clear, but the air
was cool and yummy to my skin, my boyfriend was working in the house preparing
for a visit from his mom and her boyfriend, the cats were chilling outside with
me, and I realized that I still was indeed very happy. Life wasn’t so bad after all. There was a lot to be grateful for. I had many wonderful blessings. I had simply allowed things to get to me and
activate my old “conditioned self.”
The Christian evangelist Joyce
Meyer is always talking about “your do” vs. “your who.” She talks about how important it is to know
“who you are in God.” This is
essentially the same thing as the Buddhist concept of “mindfulness” as I see it
in that it refers to understanding who you truly are underneath all of your ego
states, and behaviors. This allows us to
become very aware of our actions and they become less of reaction and more of
chosen and creative responses. Ram Dass talks about the power of meditation
training your mind so that you can become more and more aware of thoughts and
the spaces between the thoughts. Slowing
down allows for more creative potential because instead of being caught up in
what would be reactions buffeted by outside forces, we can make choices. In that space of being able to make choices,
we can have more input to our individual and shared destinies. David
Bohm talks about the nature of Dialogue and the importance of coming
together by dropping our “tacit understandings” – of course our conditioned
selves, and slowing the conversation and really listening to each other.
So how do we get to who we really are underneath all of our
behaviors, experiences, and prejudices?
I suppose that’s why they call it “the practice.” The concept is simple, the challenge is
difficult. Personally, I have a hard
time with this. I have to tell myself a
lot inside my head to keep quiet and listen.
Sometimes then I get angry that I have so much overhead to have to try
to fight negativity from my conditioned self so I get caught in the anger and
then miss a lot of what is happening anyway.
However, I experience more that way than if I had opened my mouth and
disturbed things in an outward sense. I
heard someone on Audio Dharma say
that someone else said “when you’re in the company of others, watch your mouth
and when you’re in the company of self, watch your mind.” (not sure of exact verbiage on that quote)
Adult
children have a little extra work to do in that it is difficult to attend
and heal unmet needs while trying to mature those needs up and not perpetuate
bad habits. However, here are some
practical guidelines I’ve learned and am using:
1.
REALIZE the divine
you at your core. The behaviors are
from living your samsara. Bad behavior can come from conditioning and
lies, and you don’t have to believe badly about yourself. Much ugly stuff comes from pain, so grieve
and nurture, but don’t get lost in the pity party and move on because life is
to be relished and enjoyed. Love and forgive yourself and others.
2.
Silence. Breathe.
Slow down the thinking, projecting, speculating, and judging mind. Stop and be receptive to what the real
experience is.
3.
HALT – this is used in AA groups and
refers to not letting yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. My
therapist added an S at the end to refer to taking care of yourself when you
are sick.
4.
Nutrition, exercise, and meditation. Your body and mind need to be in tip top
shape for personal revolution.
5.
Focus on
the positive such as loving relationships, beauty in the world and others,
kindness, and positive changes. Express
gratitude as often as possible. Use
affirmations in any technique possible.
Watch your mind experience life as you are a soul having a human
experience and not a human having spiritual experiences.
Remember that personality is really soul on brain-stuff. Our primal soul-stuff light bubbles forth in
various manifestations of refracted
light. We are not our past. The past is gone so to use the present verb “are”
is a lie. We are the eternal aspect
underneath. That is something that is
still there. As we tune in to our
eternal light selves, we can be more positive and make more positive change. As we forgive our foibles and
mistakes, let’s let that light shine through all of our little cracks and
defects as we choose to creatively manifest our better selves. Have fun!
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