What music are you making?

Individual notes come through in chords – some more harmonic than others – spaces between chords vary – spaces between the notes vary. When they are not there is just as important to the piece as when they are.

After the realization of how my conditioned existence had been born and shaped from early trauma, I went through a period of being very self-centered in my grieving process.  I hated that I could explain my personality in so much of what had come out of what had been done to me and my response to that.  Although I reminded myself that everyone was like that; that we all have experiences that can further bias future perception and experience, I still felt alone in that I do not want to talk about the biggest ugliest secret of where it all started.  Acknowledging this all made me feel alone and like my life had been a big joke.

As I healed and heard other peoples stories of their lives and responses to life stuff and coming to terms with it – if fortunate enough to live long enough, I realized that my story – my song – was superficial.  My spiritual practices kept bringing me back to the true self – the inner raw, eternal self that was before all of the buildups of my character.  A blessing from remembering the biggest trauma is that I remember pre-verbal states where my child self was so innocent and receptive and unbiased to experience.

Thandie Newton, talks about times that she changes herself and comes to question how many times would it take for her “self” to die before she realized it wasn't ever real in the first place.  This is not to diminuate our life symphonies and the meanings of our lives experiences, because I believe that we take these forth to evolve consciousness.  However, I think that we can identify too much with what we manifest instead of who we are and become disconnected to source.

Our symphonies are for us to play out.  It is how we creatively manifest.  Not everyone can have every experience; can be in everyone’s life, all the time.  Loved ones come and go; things have to happen in order for anything to exist.  Existence is change and flux and flow and movement.

Sometimes our symphonies and songs play with others, sometimes not- sometimes in harmony, sometimes not.  However, we've all got songs and symphonies to play out.  May yours be one you find peace with.

Blessed be.

Energy is Mass(*light squared)

“Energy is mass,” were the words coming at me from Neil deGrasse Tyson this morning while I was wondering what I should write my blog on this week.  So, here are some of my thoughts:

I’m in to this whole thought is energy and physicality is consciousness incarnate idea.  I’m a fan of many of our leaders in evolving thought such as Louise Hay, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Rupert Sheldrake, Alan Watts, and others.

As I’ve been working on my healing as an adult child and my boundaries, I’ve been developing a new relationship with my body.  You see because of my dissociative identity disorder, it’s only been in the past few years that I began to really feel like I was inside of my body.  So much healing has begun, but when I went through a real bad period with the PTSD, the stress on my body had taken its toll.  All of the memories, figuring stuff out, dealing with grieving and wounds, had caused some physical illness.  I had also discovered that for my entire life, my body had been in a state of being “braced.”  The tension can take its toll. 

I know I’m not the only one who has had to deal with pain and we all have pain and battles, so I want to share some strategies that have started to become powerful for me in moving thought to physicality while I ameliorate my relationship with my body.

Repeat "I love and am loved."  Repeat it by placing the stress on a different word each time you say it.  This can be done anytime, anywhere.  Your body will love you for it. 

Do morning stretches and light aerobics with joyful music while paying attention to your body.

Feel your stomach and the rest of you while you eat and drink.  I had been ignoring my stomach screaming, “I’ve had enough!” while my mind had been trying to fulfill a “fun” need by food just cause it still tasted good.  Or had an extra drink when I didn't need one.

Don’t bully yourself at the gym.  Don’t beat up your body, love it and strengthen it so you don’t injure yourself.

Periodically check in to feel if you are bracing yourself and feel your breath soften, deepen, and breathe your body as in mini-meditations.

Do regular meditations.

Allow yourself what kind and how much sensory stimulation will be healthful for you.

Do lunchtime walks and stretches and get out and see a little bit of nature like a few birds and trees and such.

Do evening stretches and feel gratitude for the day’s events and people who have blessed your day while you plan and anticipate the next day and days to come.

Tell yourself you will sleep well, and that your subconscious will allow you to continue sleeping, healing, and breathing deeply.  Make your room dark and give yourself plenty of sleep.

Love your body enough to take good care of it.  The love energy will transfer to physical health, and the choices you make regarding nutrition, activity, rest,