What music are you making?

Individual notes come through in chords – some more harmonic than others – spaces between chords vary – spaces between the notes vary. When they are not there is just as important to the piece as when they are.

After the realization of how my conditioned existence had been born and shaped from early trauma, I went through a period of being very self-centered in my grieving process.  I hated that I could explain my personality in so much of what had come out of what had been done to me and my response to that.  Although I reminded myself that everyone was like that; that we all have experiences that can further bias future perception and experience, I still felt alone in that I do not want to talk about the biggest ugliest secret of where it all started.  Acknowledging this all made me feel alone and like my life had been a big joke.

As I healed and heard other peoples stories of their lives and responses to life stuff and coming to terms with it – if fortunate enough to live long enough, I realized that my story – my song – was superficial.  My spiritual practices kept bringing me back to the true self – the inner raw, eternal self that was before all of the buildups of my character.  A blessing from remembering the biggest trauma is that I remember pre-verbal states where my child self was so innocent and receptive and unbiased to experience.

Thandie Newton, talks about times that she changes herself and comes to question how many times would it take for her “self” to die before she realized it wasn't ever real in the first place.  This is not to diminuate our life symphonies and the meanings of our lives experiences, because I believe that we take these forth to evolve consciousness.  However, I think that we can identify too much with what we manifest instead of who we are and become disconnected to source.

Our symphonies are for us to play out.  It is how we creatively manifest.  Not everyone can have every experience; can be in everyone’s life, all the time.  Loved ones come and go; things have to happen in order for anything to exist.  Existence is change and flux and flow and movement.

Sometimes our symphonies and songs play with others, sometimes not- sometimes in harmony, sometimes not.  However, we've all got songs and symphonies to play out.  May yours be one you find peace with.

Blessed be.