It is common that at this time of year we think about
gratitude. We count our blessings and
our comforts and that is a good thing because gratitude is a healthful
attitude.
How about gratitude for the yucky things that have happened
to us?
I have a friend who was in her 30’s and had been a stripper
who was doing drugs, drinking too much and had ended up with an infection in
the hospital. She had a reaction to the
antibiotic and stroked out and ended up wheelchair-bound to this day. She has gratitude for the experience. She says if that hadn't happened she would
have been in a worse state. She is a
happy and productive person.
I've had other people tell me stories of hardship for which
they eventually became grateful for. I
know that when I went back to school for my Masters Degree and my financial
status took a turn for the worse and I ended up broken with weird life crisis
after crisis, I had been hating life at that time. Now that it is in the past, I love what it
has done for my character. I also find
that relationships are enriched when other individuals open up and share their
past hardships with me. Not drowning in
the negativity, but acknowledging it and having grown past it deepens character
and relationship. There is always that
proverbial bug story where the bug is in the bit of milk and swims and swims
and swims until the milk drop is churned to butter and then he walks off. Meanwhile, his little legs are stronger.
It seems that we all need a little eustress. Too much pain can kill us though. How much is right for us? Everyone is different, and human resiliency
stories have taught us much about the strength of the human spirit. Here it is Thanksgiving and I’m thinking about
the Philippino’s and having to sort through their broken lives and lost loved
ones from the hurricane. I wonder about
their strength and I wonder if the Kardashians or the Hiltons could handle that
kind of challenge. I suspect that the
hard working proletariat is actually stronger in character and physical ability
than the 1%.
I’m very ambivalent about hard experiences as I’m sure we
all are. On one hand, they can develop
us, but they could break us. Without
them, we can develop in new and rich ways creatively, but sometimes without
them we don’t have the complexity of character to develop in those creative
ways. Everybody is different. I struggle with my own set of challenges
trying to find the good in them while I grieve them and it is a balance to try
to come out on the higher side to find peace and joy. Some of my own personal challenges have
ultimately gifted me with the deepest insights and joys.
Perhaps this is why in Buddhist teachings the concept of
greeting experience with equanimity is so important as to avoid suffering. There is a Taoist story of the
equanimity of events being “good” or “bad” where a farmer’s son couldn’t go to
work because of a broken leg.
Not all of our “hardships” are that extreme however, and
sometimes we experience things as more challenging as they are and not really
life-threatening or
safety-threatening.
Finding spirituality in the physical domain when one is
alone or with other like minded people is easy. However, I think that sometimes it is a tricky thing to find
spirituality when dealing with unkind personalities or strange pressures that
bring forth undesirable states of mind from whatever histories we have
had. How does one be meditative and
mindful and not get locked in to “stories” or “memories” or “biases” at times
like these?
Here
are some tidbits from a book I just checked out from our library system www.library.pima.gov called Ordinary Magic – Everyday Life
as Spiritual Path.
“Only awareness can free us from our thoughts. In the moment we become aware that our
thoughts are just thoughts, rather than reality itself, we can wake up from
their spell and can return to presence.”
John Wellwood I have noticed
that when I was having problems at work with some databases that keep records
for engineering changes that serve to make wealthy people comfortable at the
same time my nephew, a young father in his 30’s was fighting for his life, I
realized I didn’t have to get as upset as I was. I’m learning more and more to remain calm in
the stress and keep perspective.
“The music or art that affects us most deeply is never just
happy or sad, but always combines these two qualities.” I loved playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata
for my mother because although our words were never enough for each other, I
found that I could fully express all my emotions at that time through this
piece of music for her. I know she
received the message. Recently a
painting that grabbed my attention and spoke to me more than any other painting
I’d ever seen was John
Biggers Shotgun Third Ward at the Albuquerque
Art Museum a few weeks ago. The
first thing was that I felt the rain and moisture, the 2nd thing I
felt a sense of strength through adversity, the third thing I noticed was the
dancing of the children in the water while the adults looked on past them. The 4th thing I noticed was the
burning building. I felt sad while I
felt the triumphant spirits whom I knew would move on, survive, thrive, and
grow. This painting portrayed one of the
churches being burned during a terrible time in Houston with racial unrest and
the subsequent Black Panther movement.
“Opposition between good and bad is often compared to light
and dark, but if we look at it in a different way, we will see that when light
shines, darkness does not disappear. It
doesn’t leave; it merges with the light.
It becomes the light.” Notice how
gradual morning light meets your space?
Is there one threshold where the dark is no longer the light?
And finally, in summary:
“If you can be willing to feel fully and to acknowledge continually your
own sadness and the sadness of life, but at the same time not be drowned in it,
because you also remember the vision and power of the Great Eastern Sun, you experience balance and completeness,
joining heaven and earth, joining vision and practicality.”
My personal remarks in a poem:
Cleaving
the perceived misshapen
sever of life, of what
“should” not be there
Sawing,
Repetitive pain
Finally sending pure
awareness of experience
From explosive pain
after pain
To unconsciousness
Cutting,
Fine tuning to
“fit” in to the
dysfunction that was
No longer the natural
shape
Polishing,
Clearing through
clutter of mis-perceptions
Feeling buffed by
having to see/feel/experience clarity
Light -
Shining and
reflecting,
Refracting and
glimmering,
Not, the stone, but
the light throughout the stone.
The stone only shows
the light because the light is there.
The light only shows
because the stone is there.
Does a diamond feel
so much pain?
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